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My Story - CliffsNotes Edition

Hello, friends!

I didn't realize it has been so long since I added some different types of posts - but since I had to do an overhaul of my website + blog, I haven't added too much new information. I have been trying to add more educational posts to my website, not just as a resource for myself but also to help those who are on their journey. There is a lot of information out there and I am a research junkie. Honestly, I am wondering if this is more of a problem being this way, but I enjoy diving deep into various topics and learning as much as I can about them.

I have always loved astrology and often call it my "gateway drug" into the witchy woo woo world. I picked up my first Tarot deck at 14 and just dove off the deep end into all things out there. After my whole "awakening" process began, I really started seeing things ramp up. When I was a child I could see and speak to spirits, and I could also dream of things that came to pass. These were different from using tools such as astrology and the tarot to gain understanding. These were gifts that I wanted to understand and work with further.

In this process of trying to understand my natural gifts, my interests, or even just find some sense of solidarity, I would reach out to local psychics and other people who I thought would try to help me understand myself better. Sometimes I was met with talented people, who were naturally gifted, but they would try to take advantage of my desperation, lack of education, and vulnerability.

I have seen a lot of videos online talking about fake psychics and those who take advantage of those who are grieving, in difficult situations, or those who are so desperate for answers, help, or just friendship that they end up paying these scammers thousands of dollars. So, I thought I would share my own stories regarding my experiences and why I have worked so hard to be a thoughtful and genuine person in this industry. And in sharing my stories, I hope that it helps those to try to find the right practitioners, tarot readers, astrologers, Reiki healers, and other magic makers in their life.

This is not meant to bash, call out, or harm anyone - I have made my peace with my experiences, and it is why I share so openly with others. You can read my "How To - Find the Right Practitioner" blog to find out more about what to look out for and what to focus on when trying to find a reliable person to do this spiritual work with. Just like all things, not everything is created equal. And not everyone has the best of intentions when it comes to helping others.

The Beginning

Baby AAM

When I was a little girl, I would always see or hear things that weren't there - or that others did not see/hear. This made me a bit of an outcast. I also had not learned English, so school was not always my favorite place to be. I had a strict teacher - who would try to ensure we were on task with our lessons. My favorite time of day was recess, where I would go to the fence and sing to the dragonflies in the Bayou. My memories of being a kid are all jumbled up. Maybe it is my age (37!) or perhaps it is the way my mind protects itself from trauma and confusion. The moments spent at that elementary school in Houston are a blur between grades and stories.

My curious nature always brought me into odd situations, and also knowing things about people without them telling me created a lot of discomfort for me.I have always been a shy, introverted type - preferring to observe versus being the center of attention. Hearing and seeing spirits was not something I felt I could share with my parents - who were extremely religious immigrants. I recall Sunday school and church several times a week - sitting in the sticky and hot pews, getting up and down. I would want to cry at the crucified Jesus statues, and felt so sad for the Virgin Mary, with her benevolent face, tears streaming from her eyes.

Religion took a big chunk of my life. I was raised in the Roman Catholic faith, which is deeply enmeshed in Hispanic Culture. Even though my mother was obsessed with Walter Mercado, I wasn't allowed to do much with Astrology. I started studying Tarot and Astrology at 14, and really diving into the whole "witch" thing. I am sure my family believed it was a phase - darker eyeliner, clothes, and more attitude. I was gifted a book of Love Spells by a friend, and somehow ended up with a small book on palmistry. I would read science fiction and fantasy, hoping one day to live out my "The Craft" fantasies of witchy coven power. I spent a portion of this time in my life, high af. I was an avid drug user and abuser. I would go to school on acid, I would drop ecstasy every chance I got, I was selling drugs to friends. Feeling lost and scared, drugs really drowned out a lot for me at this time. I had opened the door to my power but it had made me scared rather than to feel comfortable with it. I somehow became a cheerleader, made it on the dance team, joined all the clubs, and loved all the boys. High school is a jungle.

Leaving home and joining the Army at 17, really helped me to make some decisions about what I wanted to do as a person - regarding religion, beliefs, interests, and also being exposed to various people from all over the country.

The Shift

As an impressionable and malleable young woman, life really showed me a lot of interesting things in this life. I spent a few years struggling with my religion - trying different faiths, exploring other aspects of Christianity, but everything felt very empty. I struggled with substance abuse and alcoholism during this period of my life, and tried to take my life in a serious manner three times. I became a mother at 19, which added a new layer of difficulty in me being spiritually lost, but it was also an amazing anchor. A deeply unhealthy marriage, bad friendships, and feeling so aimless really compounded my mental health issues. Thankfully, I was able to get appropriate help for my eating disorder, depression, and anxiety.

Being in the military afforded me new experiences that allowed me to live in various part of the US. This also gave me the opportunity to explore myself and my interests. I dove into Tarot and Astrology so deeply, I reconnected with my faith in a new way. I explored the weird, and I even spent some time claiming to be Atheist, then Agnostic, and then back to a more spiritual aspect of my life.

I love the occult, and it has always drawn me forward. When I left the Army at 25, I dove into my Astrology obsession much more than I had before. This was also a time where I felt very lost, scared, and confused. It was 2007 when I separated from Active Duty but joined the Reserves for another year of service. The housing market crash, unemployment was sky high, and it just felt like everything was crashing down around me. My mental health took a horrible toll at this time, and I was leaning very heavily on the bottle again.

The first time I was awaken from a dead sleep to hear my dog growling in the dark hallway, I brushed it off. But it continued. My fear expanded the problem. But I didn't realize it, at the time. I was a young mother living on my own, struggling financially, drinking too much, and allowing my fears to take over. Weird and scary things were happening to me in my home. Some incidents are even difficult for me to talk about even now. One instance that really threw me over the edge happened in the shower. I was in there, shampooing my hair - and already jumpy. I was trying to quickly wash without having my eyes closed (fear had been intense as things crescendo-ed). I relax a bit, trying to rinse my hair, when I feel scratching at my neck. I freaked out and opened my eyes, only to get a bunch of shampoo in there, and fall into the curtain, slipping and somehow wrapped up in it, breaking the rod as I tumbled to ground. I am a clumsy person, which is fine - but when I looked in the mirror, my neck had huge marks all over it.

That was the last thing I could stand. I sought out a psychic in the area to help me. I thought I was going insane. I didn't know who else to talk to, since the visions and circumstances were becoming so real. Having scratch marks and my poor dog growling all of the time into dark and weird shadowy corners was creating more internal chaos for me. Being unemployed, I had nothing else to occupy my time, besides my child - who was busy in school most of the day. She was the typical Hollywood psychic vibe. Little room draped in exotic looking fabrics, crystals and incense. She just stared me up and down, and had me hold a wand without saying a word about why I was there. She was incredible with the information she told me, and really was accurate about things. She told me I was also like her, but would never be as good as her, that I was weak. And then... the shift.

These people who do this are sometimes very good at their craft. Some are even exceptional mediums and psychics. But they prey on those who are scared. She told me I had a lifetime curse on me and she was the only one who could break it. I stupidly fell for it. She swindled me out of $1500 that I didn't have, scared me into having to do something, since I didn't want a demon to take over my child, as she had said. The thing I learned in this situation was that I had the potential to deal with things on my own. She supposedly "cured" me of this negative curse. Sprayed me with lavender oil, gave me a clear quartz and rosary (from Jerusalem, no less), a white candle, and instructions on what I needed to do.

After I did things as she had instructed me, I felt things shift. Perhaps it was the illusion that someone else was petitioning on my behalf. Maybe it was the action of burning a candle and having a semblance of control in the situation. I look back and think of how dumb I was to just fall for this trap. But I am also grateful because I needed it. Knowing that I was also a psychic, or had the potential to focus my skills into something to help others really spoke to me. I didn't want anyone else to ever feel dis-empowered in their situation. I know how that raw fear can make you feel so alone. To be hunted by something you can't see!

I took back control within myself. I was empowered in my situation. I felt grateful for the expensive and scary lesson. I never spoke with her again. Life moved on, and took me where I needed to be. And although I look back at that time with a sense of embarrassment, it is also what really opened the door for who I am today.

The Growth

Having my second child really cemented my path, to be here and understand my gifts in new ways. I connected with interesting people all over the internet, building a small community. I started my Facebook Page and eventually my Instagram Account, which has grown so much. I started studying and learning and trying to just put myself out there in new and challenging ways. I still struggle with my personal visibility, perhaps it is a fear of being judged for not looking like what I think others expect. Or just the sense that I may lose my privacy, which is valuable to me.

I have been pushing past my own boundaries of sharing and writing and trying to be here. This community means so much to me because for so long, I didn't know if there were others like me. I thought I was an odd one. I blend my Catholic roots, my curanderismo traditions from my culture, and my education from Tarot, Astrology, and healing together to connect with others. My love for this work comes from the ability to bring others peace and healing. I am a simple woman with a desire to be of help.

It is why I have worked hard to encourage others to learn, to explore, to try new things, or to just have the information available to them, as well. My Life Path number is 33 - the Master Teacher. I want to share what I know, I love to help, and I deeply enjoy working with others in discovering things within themselves. You can find various information that I have learned along the way in my "How To/DIY" section of my blogs. I want to continue to share and give more to others, as it is easy to become overwhelmed or confused. As I always recommend, find what speaks to you, do that, and trust your intuition. If something doesn't resonate, then just release it and take what you need, leave the rest behind.

A big part of my journey has been to discover and grow my natural gifts. To understand myself better, to trust myself more - these two things have given me the most satisfaction in my work. I am constantly evolving and learning. I challenge myself constantly to try to do learn and do more, to follow down the curiosity hole. As of this moment, I am relearning various Wiccan practices and Latin witchcraft. Curanderismo is something that is comfortable for me, so I am always drawn to the traditional lessons in it. As it is something that isn't widely accepted, it is hard to find accurate information. Thankfully, books are always a good thing to find and invest in. But I also scour local libraries, free online archives - my favorite free one is Internet Archive - and also using Library apps (Libby and Overdrive) can have a lot of amazing resources for accessing free content from your local library drive.

Another thing is trying to share my experiences with others and building community. I am grateful that we are in the social media age, where I can connect with so many amazing people in this work - check out some of my FAVES.

Understanding myself and my gifts has been a pivotal form of me working, I review the different "Clairs" and how they can manifest. I am clairaudient, clairsentient, and precognizant. The way my gifts work is one of the reasons I thought I was a bit crazy, but after learning how to create boundaries with my guides and spirits, the way these gifts manifest is less stressful on me. I use my clairaudience in order to do Automatic Writing for my client work. If you want to learn how to do that, check out this blog post HERE.

The Future

So, what does the future hold for me? Probably more studying! I seriously love to learn. Blame it on my North Node in Gemini - and it is in my 11th house, so I have to share that with others in my community. I love building spaces where others can explore themselves. I want to continue my understanding about my ancestral roots (Native American Indigenous Mayan, Ashkenazi Jewish, and even various African), because I feel that call to understand what speaks to me. Astrology has been and always will be my first love - my gateway drug to all of this. And Tarot, cartomancy, and reading cards will always been a form in which I feel comfortable using a physical manifestation with Spirit.

Creating this website, remaining online as a public figure, offering my services - they are integral to the growth I have experienced. In my dreams, I would love to own a shop - a place where people feel welcomed and invited. A space to make and learn magic. A place where you can go to feel peace and protection. A "church" of sorts, but a place that allows you to come as you are - no strings attached.

I sometimes hold back on sharing my story - thinking it doesn't really matter, but at the end of the day, someone out there might feel like I did - afraid, alone, and maybe have someone prey on their vulnerability. I felt so stupid the first time I was taken advantage of, but the second time it almost happened, I laughed in that lady's face and berated her for being so unprofessional and her lack of basic human compassion and morals. These experiences have really dictated how I am as a practitioner. I have tried to be compassionate, caring, but also empower others to know that they are just as talented and amazing as they may believe that I am. The goal of a healer is to not be needed anymore, and I take that seriously. I may not be the best or most well-versed, but I will always pride myself in being able to say "I don't know enough about that, but maybe I know someone who does!"

I hope that the words, things, and thoughts that I share bring you some new level of curiosity or understanding. If all I can do is give you a sense of "me, too!" and that recognition that you are not alone, then I have done everything I originally set out to do. I love to write, so I hope to one day write a real reflection of my life, my lessons, and the blessing it is to still be earth side with all of my loved ones this lifetime. I am still a curious kitten, clawing my way around the occult studies.

The Continuation

If you have read this far, thank you. It is hard to encapsulate a story spanning 37 earth years. My soul's story is even older - I have recalled at least 100 various past lives. I am trying to bridge the gap between this lifetime, my ancestral roots, and the language of my soul. I share my stories, so that others can feel the prompt to share theirs.

At the end of the day, all gifts are personal and it is up to each individual to connect in ways that make sense to them. Be comfortable with your gifts and don't stress if you don't do it like others do. Magic is such personal thing, and we have to normalize the uniqueness that exists in that. They are subtle gifts that can be developed with a lot of trust, as well as trial and error. I will talk more of other methods to strengthen and develop these gifts and how to use them in practical ways. There are so many paths one can take, and all of them are right, especially if they speak to that individual.

My only hope with this whole website is to offer information, bring some fun to others, and also offer my work for those who would like to explore more about their pathway, or even gain clarity on their current circumstances. If you do enjoy what I do, thank you! Trust yourself. First and foremost. Your soul will never steer you astray. I offer my experiences and words because it is my soul's expression. But as I always say - take what you need, leave what you don't.

It is my personal belief that every person is capable of being connected to their magical abilities and that we are all capable of being "psychic" to a certain extent. Some people are plugged in and very sensitive, others have forgotten how to tune in and pay attention. As with all things, I have come to realize that many of these gifts are subtle and easily missed. We write things off believing it is only coincidence or that we can't possibly know things.

Just trust yourself a bit more.

As with all things, practice, trust, and belief will play the biggest roles in allowing you to connect more fully to your natural abilities.

Thanks for being here and I can't wait to share more fun posts and share more of what I have learned along the way.


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